Creating Joyful Holidays, Not Fearful Ones

Holidays are supposed to be joyful, right? A time for celebration, togetherness, and memories that warm our hearts. But let’s be real—too often, they become a source of stress, anxiety, and, dare I say it, dread. Whether it’s the fear of judgment, the pressure to make everything perfect, or the endless to-do lists, the holidays can feel like a marathon we didn’t sign up for.
But here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to be that way. Over the years, I’ve learned how to strip away the fear, the stress, and the unrealistic expectations, and instead create holidays that are full of joy and love. Let me share with you how I’ve done it—and how you can too.

Letting Go of Perfection
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that perfection is the enemy of joy. So many of us spend the holidays trying to create some idealized version of the perfect meal, the perfect decorations, or the perfect family photo. We chase this illusion, and in doing so, we invite fear—fear of failing, fear of falling short, fear of disappointing others.
But here’s the truth: perfection doesn’t exist. And even if it did, it wouldn’t bring the joy we think it would. Some of my fondest holiday memories come from the “imperfect” moments—the slightly burnt turkey, the time the tree fell over, or the year we forgot to buy a single roll of tape and had to wrap presents with rubber bands.
Letting go of perfection is liberating. It allows you to focus on what really matters: being present with the people you love. So, this year, I’m giving myself permission to embrace imperfection. If the cookies are a little burnt or the decorations don’t match, who cares? The laughter we’ll share over the mishaps will be far more meaningful than a flawless table setting.

Saying Goodbye to Judgment
Oh, the fear of judgment—it’s a big one, isn’t it? Whether it’s worrying about how our house looks, whether our gifts are good enough, or whether Aunt Linda will approve of the way we’ve cooked the ham, this fear can steal the joy right out of the season.
But here’s the thing I’ve come to understand: what other people think of me is none of my business. If someone wants to judge me for using store-bought pie crust or wearing sweatpants to Christmas dinner, that’s their issue, not mine.
The holidays aren’t a performance, and I’m not auditioning for anyone’s approval. Instead of worrying about how others see me, I’m choosing to show up as my authentic self—quirks, flaws, and all. And you know what? It feels so much better to just be me than to try to be perfect for someone else.

Focusing on Connection
For me, the holidays are about connection. But let’s be honest—how often do we lose sight of that? Between the endless errands, the crowded malls, and the chaotic schedules, it’s easy to get so caught up in doing that we forget to simply be.
I’ve learned that the greatest gift I can give my loved ones is my presence. Not my perfectly wrapped presents—my presence. This year, I’m committing to putting down my phone, turning off the TV, and really being with the people I care about. I’m going to listen to their stories, laugh at their jokes, and savor the moments we have together.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not the gifts or the decorations that matter—it’s the memories we create and the love we share.

Giving from the Heart
Let’s talk about gift-giving for a moment. How often do we give out of obligation or fear? Fear of not spending enough, fear of forgetting someone, fear of disappointing someone with the “wrong” gift.
But I’ve realized that the best gifts aren’t the ones that come from obligation—they’re the ones that come from the heart. It doesn’t matter if they’re big or small, expensive or homemade. What matters is the love and thought behind them.
This year, I’m shifting my focus from giving out of fear to giving out of joy. Maybe it’s a heartfelt letter, a handmade ornament, or simply the gift of my time and attention. Whatever it is, I’m going to make sure it comes from a place of love, not stress.

Creating New Traditions
For years, I clung to holiday traditions that didn’t bring me joy anymore. I felt like I had to keep them going out of fear—fear of breaking tradition, fear of disappointing my family, or fear of doing something different.
But then I asked myself: why am I holding onto things that no longer serve me? The holidays should be a reflection of who I am now, not who I used to be. So I started creating new traditions that feel meaningful to me.
Maybe it’s skipping the formal dinner in favor of a potluck. Maybe it’s spending Christmas morning volunteering or taking a walk in nature. Whatever it is, I’m giving myself permission to do what feels right for me and my loved ones.

Being Present
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned is the importance of being present. Fear thrives when we’re stuck in the past or worried about the future. And let’s face it, the holidays are ripe for this kind of thinking. We get nostalgic for the “good old days” or anxious about whether everything will go according to plan.
But when I bring myself into the present moment, everything changes. I stop worrying about what’s missing or what could go wrong, and I start noticing what’s right in front of me—the warmth of a fire, the sound of laughter, the taste of a freshly baked cookie.
This year, I’m making a conscious effort to stay present. To savor each moment as it comes. To let go of the fear and embrace the joy.

Letting Go of Guilt
Holidays and guilt seem to go hand in hand, don’t they? We feel guilty for eating too much, spending too much, or not doing enough. But I’ve learned that guilt is a useless emotion—it doesn’t change the past, and it doesn’t serve the present.
So this year, I’m letting go of the guilt. I’m going to enjoy that second slice of pie. I’m going to say no to the things that drain me and yes to the things that light me up. And I’m not going to apologize for taking care of myself.

Laughing Through It All
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that laughter is the best antidote to fear. When things go wrong (and they will), I’m choosing to laugh. When the dog knocks over the tree or someone spills eggnog on the carpet, I’m going to find the humor in the situation.
Because at the end of the day, the holidays aren’t about being perfect—they’re about being human. And humans are messy, imperfect, and wonderfully ridiculous.

Finding the Joy
​This holiday season, I’m choosing joy. I’m letting go of fear, judgment, and guilt, and I’m embracing connection, presence, and love. The holidays aren’t meant to be endured—they’re meant to be celebrated. And that’s exactly what I plan to do.
So here’s to a holiday season filled with laughter, love, and joy. Let’s make it one to remember—not because it was perfect, but because it was real.